Every year I pick one word to give shape to my next 365 days, and by the end of the year it’s a part of me, allowing me to choose another word to add to my personal word bank. I’ve found that choosing a general word and allowing it to act as a guide is what works best for me and my version of “resolutions”. (Thank you for that idea Michelle.) The perk of picking a general word is that it’s more versatile when applied to decisions that affect me or other people. It helps with interactions- I basically can apply it to all aspects of my life. I like to think of it as the bumper people sometimes need when going bowling. The lane is my life or the decision or the interaction at hand, and the bumper (or word) helps me stay at least on the right track to my goal, while I am still in control of bowling my ball down that lane.
My “bumper” for 2019 was authenticity; I wanted to be real and genuine with myself in what I wanted and with others to let them know I really cared about them. It pushed me out of comfort zones I didn’t realize I had and helped me make deeper connections with people. Ending 2019, I feel a lot more like myself, now more than ever. Part of that might just be getting out of high school and away from all the limitations people put on me, but I really attribute applying authenticity to everything even when it was hard. It was really uncomfortable at first. I had to climb out of a box I no longer felt I fit while others struggled to see me any other way I started to separate myself from people I didn’t truly feel good around and got much closer to the ones I did. I decided what I wanted to do after graduation knowing how different it was from everyone else’s plan. The beginning of this year had a lot of growing pains in terms of people, including myself. I learned to really feel all my emotions and even had a teacher tell me that “happiness isn’t the human default.” I’ve used that phrase to comfort myself and other people hundreds of times this year, and it’s a nice reminder that I don’t need to convince myself to force happiness to benefit other people.
I know it’s been 2020 for two weeks now, but this year I’ve had trouble choosing a new bumper to keep me out of the gutter, as I haven’t been totally sure of what I wish to gain from this year. I think more than anything I want to shift my word from being the bumper to which lanes I choose and how I approach them, as well as the force I give to get the ball rolling. I want to stand in front of lanes that I know are worth my effort, those that have 10 pins waiting for me rather than 2. I really want to level up this year, maybe get my own bowling shoes or paint my ball a different color. After a phone call with a friend about my plans for this upcoming year, I realized I really just want to extend my authenticity another year, and in the least conceited way possible, be a little more selfish with my time and efforts and what I really want to do. I got a fortune cookie last week that said to “pursue your wishes aggressively.” I have big goals and I need to work towards them now so they can be my reality later. As often as my wishes and goals change, I hope to use this year as a way to create opportunities for myself. I want to pair this idea with love, which resides in my word bank from 2018.
I pushed to do everything out of love. Loving myself, helping others feel loved, and genuinely loving people I found I didn’t always agree with. I also wish to bring back this word to eliminate the habit of comparison that snuck it’s way into my thoughts. It distracted me from bowling easy frames. I wish to regain the talent I used to have of very rarely passing judgments and comparison. In changing which lane I stand in front of (or which things I give value to, or try to achieve) I also get to choose my focus and perspective to see what’s real, what’s beautiful, what’s really there, and what really matters.
It sounds like a lot to adjust, but I really am just recycling past words I’ve already benefited from and applying them in a new way. Maybe those new bowling shoes I get to level up with will really be my old ones, just with newer, prettier laces.